I Went on an "Ex-Cape" After My Breakup, and It Kinda Healed Me
Our take
Last September, I made the bold decision to end my tumultuous, on-again, off-again relationship, seeking solace in a transformative "ex-cape." This journey became a powerful catalyst for healing, allowing me to rediscover my sense of self and embrace new experiences. In this piece, I reflect on how stepping away from familiar comforts can lead to unexpected clarity and renewal. For those looking to elevate their wardrobe post-breakup, check out our article on "These $60 Nordstrom Shorts," a chic staple guaranteed to refresh your style.
In recent times, the notion of an “ex-cape” has emerged as a compelling narrative among those navigating the tumultuous waters of heartbreak and self-discovery. The article detailing one woman's journey through a breakup taps into this cultural zeitgeist, highlighting the transformative power of travel as a means of healing. This trend speaks to a broader societal movement toward prioritizing self-care and personal growth, particularly in the aftermath of emotionally taxing experiences. As we delve into the implications of using travel as a therapeutic tool, it's imperative to recognize the parallels found in other lifestyle choices that promote well-being, such as the recent discussion on how to curate a timeless wardrobe in our piece, How Connor Storrie's Stylist Puts Together His Timeless Red Carpet Looks.
The concept of an “ex-cape” resonates deeply with modern consumers who seek not just escapism but also personal evolution through their travel experiences. The author’s narrative illustrates a pivotal moment in her life where she chose to step away from a familiar yet unfulfilling relationship. By embarking on a journey defined by self-exploration and new experiences, she ultimately reclaimed her narrative and identity. This reflects a growing trend among individuals who use travel as a means to redefine themselves, a theme echoed in our exploration of stylish yet affordable fashion choices in articles like These $60 Nordstrom Shorts Look Identical to the Chic Pair Every Fashion Person Is Wearing Nonstop.
Moreover, the allure of travel during a time of emotional upheaval aligns with the broader cultural shift towards embracing curated experiences that are both aspirational and attainable. The journey becomes a canvas for self-discovery, where each destination offers a new perspective and an opportunity to engage with the world in meaningful ways. This is particularly relevant in today’s fast-paced society, where the hustle often overshadows the need for introspection and rejuvenation. The act of stepping away from one’s daily routine to immerse oneself in new cultures and environments can lead to profound personal insights, ultimately fostering resilience and clarity.
As we reflect on these narratives, it is crucial to consider how the fashion and lifestyle sectors can continue to evolve in response to shifting consumer values. The desire for curated experiences extends beyond travel and into the realms of fashion and daily living. For instance, the upcoming SCHIAPARELLI “Fashion becomes Art” exhibition embodies this intersection of artistry and lifestyle, prompting us to consider how fashion can serve as a medium for self-expression and healing. As consumers become increasingly discerning, the demand for brands that understand and cater to this desire for elevated yet relatable experiences will only grow.
Looking ahead, the question remains: How can we further integrate the principles of self-discovery and healing into our lifestyle choices? Whether through travel, fashion, or art, the journey toward self-actualization is one that resonates with many. As we navigate this evolving landscape, it is essential to champion those narratives that empower individuals to embrace their journeys, fostering a culture that values authenticity and curated experiences. In doing so, we can continue to elevate our collective understanding of what it means to be a modern muse in pursuit of a life well-lived.
Last September, I broke things off with my off-again, on-again, boyfriend for what was probably the millionth time. (Okay, officially, it was the third or the fourth time, but spiritually and mentally, it felt like a lot more.) Because it had happened so many times before, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but that didn't mean I was immune to the emotional fallout that happens after a relationship ends.
If there's one thing I tend to do after a breakup, it's overthink everything. By November, I could feel myself getting stuck in a constant thought loop, replaying conversations, rewriting outcomes — the usual. And although I hadn't run into him yet, I knew it was imminent. We both live on the west side of Los Angeles, frequent the same bars and hang outs, and even still keep some mutual friends. I didn't want my entire emotional state hinging on a chance run-in at Erewhon, so I decided I need to make an escape.
When I was invited to visit the Four Seasons Resort Costa Rica at Peninsula Papagayo for a five-day stay to test the spa and wellness offerings, I decided to treat it as something more intentional: the escape I was looking for, an "ex-cape."
In my mind, it's exactly what it sounds like: an escape from your ex, yes, but more importantly, an escape from the version of you that only exists in relation to them. It's not about being dramatic, or cutting someone off in a grand gesture. It's about quietly removing yourself from the habits that keep you stuck. And as much as I didn't want to admit it, I was stuck.
I planned to lay around, read books, enjoy the sunshine, swim in the ocean, and try to stop looking at my ex's Spotify for an entire week — a feat I hadn't been able to accomplish since we parted ways. (First in my bloodline to stalk someone's Spotify, by the way.) That plan, for the record, lasted about five minutes.
When I first arrived in Costa Rica, the Four Seasons sent over a full itinerary, and not a "this is optional" itinerary — a whole ass schedule. The activities looked amazing, but the days were stacked. I'm talking early mornings, multiple wellness sessions a day, and structured activities back to back. Instead of lying around doing nothing, I would be participating in breathwork, energy work, astrology readings, and a few things I didn't even fully understand yet.
My immediate reaction was mild panic, but what ended up happening was something I didn't expect: I didn't even have time to spiral. On my first day, I participated in an energy-balancing massage, and later that night I participated in a Yin Yoga class at the resort's Wellness Shala, an open-air structure overlooking the ocean. You could hear waves the entire time, feel the humidity in the air, and immerse yourself in the environment.
Every spa or wellness session started the same way: I would sit down with a practitioner, set an intention, and actually think about how I was feeling. It was deliberate and purposeful.
The next day, I had a private session with an energy healer and reiki master. I'll be honest, I went into it a little skeptical. There were absolutely moments where I was like, "Do I fully understand what's happening here?" The answer was a resounding "no," but I felt calm and grounded afterward, which was enough for me.
Then, there was the astrology reading: an in-depth birth chart session that lasted close to two hours. I'm a Taurus, which I already knew, but this went far beyond that. We got into planetary placements, patterns, and life timing. In mildly terrifying news, however, the astrologist did mention that I likely wouldn't find my one true love until 2027. Sad!
The standout activity, no contest, was surfing. On day three, I finally got out into the water for a surf lesson, and it was the first time the entire trip that my brain went completely quiet. I'm not referring to a calm or regulated nervous system. I mean totally silent. There is something about trying to stand up (and eventually actually standing up) on a moving wave that leaves zero room for overthinking anything — including a recent breakup. Instead, I was having fun, dude. I was living. And it was great.
I must admit — the trip wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, I did get stung by a jellyfish and step on a bee (all in the same day), but I chose to look at those mishaps as character building. Throughout my time in Costa Rica, I found pockets of what I originally thought the trip would be: lying in the sun, reading, doing absolutely nothing. But the structure, which I initially resisted, ended up being the thing that helped me the most.
Through all of this, there was no space to think about my ex, no space to overanalyze my life, and absolutely no space to stalk someone's music-listening history. I could only focus on what was directly in front of me, and it was exactly what I needed. I had experiences that required my attention, my body, my participation.
I didn't come back from the trip suddenly healed or over my breakup. It took me several more months to actually get there. But for those five days, I was pulled out of my normal patterns. I wasn't sitting around and overthinking, I wasn't reaching for distractions that didn't help. I was doing new, unfamiliar things — things that were occasionally uncomfortable — but things that required me to be present.
Ultimately, that's what an ex-cape is — an opportunity to escape from the checking, the spiraling, the overanalyzing. And it doesn't need to involve hopping on a plane and leaving the country. It can be a trip, but it can also be a weekend, a routine shift, or a decision to do something different long enough to interrupt the pattern. Mine looked like Costa Rica, a fully stacked itinerary, and a few moments where my brain finally shut up. But the point isn't where you go. It's that, for a second, you stop doing the thing that's been keeping you stuck.
49427908
Renee Rodriguez (she/her) is a senior staff writer and producer for PS. She writes across all verticals, but her main areas of expertise focus on fashion and beauty content with an emphasis on reviews and editor experiments. She also produces social content for the PS TikTok and Instagram accounts.Read on the original site
Open the publisher's page for the full experience