The Cancer Besties Swapping Support Groups For Friendship Apps

Making friends is hard enough as it is — a cancer diagnosis doesn't make it any easier. While some find comfort in traditional support groups, others are searching for something different, swapping perhaps surface-level bonds for genuine friendships. They want to meet people who have felt their pain, dealt with similar symptoms, and experienced the same hardships firsthand. More than anything, they just don't want to feel so alone. In this pursuit of kindred spirits, some members of the cancer community are making the switch to friendship apps. One such person, Anita Tran, describes her reasoning plainly. "I joined because I was diagnosed with something so rare and I had nobody around me in person that had cancer . . . or somebody young like me," she tells Popsugar. It was on the app CancerBuddy that she met Mark Sevillano Jr., a friend with stage 2 esophageal cancer. Sevillano Jr. had similar motivations for joining, and was mainly looking to feel less isolated in his journey. "I was just hoping to find someone, or a couple people that [knew] what I was going through," Sevillano Jr. says. "I was like, 'Oh, that sounds kind of cool. CancerBuddy? I need a buddy during this time." Amaya Matos and Michael Cramer are another friend duo that met on the app, bonding over a serious complication called graft-versus-host disease (GVHD). "We connected on having the same symptoms around the same time," Matos says. "I felt like I could be more vulnerable . . . it feels less lonely." Over time they bonded over a multitude of other interests unrelated to illness, forming a genuine friendship over Fortnite, Lego, fitness, and the Orlando Magic. To learn more about these connections and the apps making them possible, we asked the people in each friend duo to interview each other. Read on for their takes on friendship apps, navigating a new friendship amid cancer, and how they went from internet strangers to besties IRL. Anita and Mark Why do you think we make such good friends? Mark: "One, we both smile a lot. And two, I really love that scripture that you posted on your Instagram bio. It's Psalm 138: 8." Anita: "I'm so glad you like that psalm, because it means a lot to me. It gives me faith that even if I don't know what I'm doing, He has a greater plan for me." Mark: "Scripture means so much to you, and now I'm going to also think about that scripture, because I want Him to fulfill my purpose. Like, why am I here? Why did I get cancer? Why am I using my voice to help others?" Anita: "When I first met you, I really admired your advocacy in the cancer community and how quick you were to hop on to opportunities . . . I had my fundraiser, and you showed up. You actually showed up . . . our values and passions align [and] it helps us connect as friends." What role has our friendship played in your cancer journey? Mark: "As you know, when you're dealing with cancer . . . you get fatigue, and you just want to sit all day. So I developed that habit, but being friends with you, I'm always looking at your page, and you've reminded [me] about being active and moving and walking and getting my steps in." Anita: "That fills my heart. It's like a whole circle." Mark: "And then [also], your positivity. Sometimes I get sad because I'm like, 'Oh, my gosh, I know Anita is going through it. I know she is.' Yet you smile through it. And that just makes me want to cry, because how do you have so much strength in your pain? That's amazing and inspiring, and I just know from going through cancer that it's hard. It's hard to [have] that smiley face and be positive. But something in both of us, we're just positive." Anita: "Your positivity helps me too, every time I see your videos. But also the first thing that came to my mind is that you're a survivor. You [also] went through something very difficult . . . and it gives me hope that there's an 'after cancer' for me. Every time I look at you, I'm like, he survived. He did it. So can I. There is going to be an after for me, too." How has our friendship evolved over time? Anita: "I wanted to reach out because you were a cancer survivor, and also your career was very interesting to me . . . but over time, you gave me positivity and encouragement through my treatment. You supported me through your online presence. But also, you showed up in person and you showed me that with our advocacy, we can make a difference in our community . . . when you showed up to the fundraiser I was doing, I felt like you were a person who was a part of my life — not just an online friend, but [someone who] supported me throughout my life and my journey." How would you describe our relationship now? Anita: "I would describe our friendship now as actual friends — not just online friends who met in person. We continue to follow each other online, and I know a piece of your life, a piece of your family, a piece of what you do in your life. It's like how I have some high school friends I still follow on Instagram, and we see [each other] maybe once in a blue moon, but we still pick up where we left off. I don't think it's regressing, it's progressing. And in the future, we'll have more chances to do things together when our health allows it." Mark: "I love that I will always have your back, and you will always have my back. And I know that I can count on you . . . I count on you as a resource, but also as someone I can lean on if I'm having a bad day and vice versa. We're there for each other. It's been great, and I'm excited to continue to grow in friendship together." Amaya and Michael How is a cancer app different from a support group? Michael: "I feel like none of the connections I made on CancerBuddy were ever forced because we'd already gone through a similar thing and had a similar mindset because we've been through so much as a community." Amaya: "Especially with both of us going through the GVHD stuff, it's really nice to be able to be like, OK, well, I'm not crazy and also not alone. I know I always message you like, 'Has this happened to you?'" What made you want to start talking with me on the app? Amaya: "You are the reason why I feel like my care is where it's at now. I think that had I never reached out to you about getting a second opinion and meeting with your doctor, I would have never done those things . . . [it's] almost like putting a battery in my back . . . you're so good at advocating for yourself and speaking up, whereas I would let [doctors] put me to the side. Even though I am stagnant right now in treatment, it's just because I don't have a lot of options. But I wouldn't be where I'm at right now if it wasn't for that — putting the battery in my back." Michael: "That's sweet. I think it's the same thing [for me] — seeing someone my age with GVHD, locally too. When you see someone across the world, you still connect, but . . . the fact that we've met several times has been really cool. We bonded over the necrosis, even Fortnite." Why do you think we make such good friends? Amaya: "I can always reach out to you. Even if I were to look at our messages, you've always answered, and I hope you feel the same vice versa. You can always reach out to me . . . I feel like the after part is really hard because you're expected to be perfect and great because you survived it. But like, I'm sitting here, and my toes are stuck." Michael: "I get the worst cramps every day. I totally get it." Amaya: "It's just one of those things, being able to relate . . . and then the times we have spent together in person — it's not just surface level. I think it has meaning." What role has our friendship played in your cancer journey? Michael: "When people hear that your cancer is in remission, a lot of times people think you're all good, you're back to normal. But when you live with something like GVHD, it's a whole other disease, a whole other life you have to adapt to. And our friendship has played a huge role because we've been able to connect, to talk about it. I don't feel so alone going through it, you know? A lot of cancer survivors I talk to, I'm happy for them because they survive cancer, but they may not have GVHC, so they can't understand me on that level. But our connection — we understand each other because we've been through very similar things." How has our friendship evolved over time? Amaya: "The years go on and we're still dealing with this. It's unfortunate, but I think the bond is stronger because of it . . . even just seeing your videos of how much you're focusing on the gym and then sharing that you're getting your [personal training] certificate . . . you motivate me." Michael: "Our relationship evolved from Instagram DMs to laughing on Fortnite, literally. And I think it's great that there's stuff we bond over that's not just GVHD. We're friends beyond the disease and beyond cancer and GVHD. Like, the Orlando Magic, Fortnite, even Lego and the gym." How would you describe our relationship now? Michael: "I go to the hospital and I see people who are getting ready for their stem cell transplant . . . and then I'm there getting my regular infusion . . . you feel like a poser because you're about to go home and go back to studying, and they're about to go get admitted." Amaya: "Exactly that . . . I don't know if I've talked to anyone else that's had to deal with that. [It's] almost like we're living the same life, just in different bodies and places." Michael: "Yeah, and one has the superior basketball team in their city." 49472339 Chandler Plante (she/her) is a social producer and staff writer for the Health & Fitness team at Popsugar. She has over five years of industry experience, previously working as an editorial assistant for People magazine, a social media manager for Millie magazine, and a contributor for Bustle Digital Group. She has a degree in magazine journalism from Syracuse University and is based in Los Angeles.